March 27, 2010

Unsalted Peanut Butter

Why is there unsalted peanut butter?  What is the point? Today I went to fridge to fix a little apple and peanut butter treat for me and the boy. However, instead of the salt and sugar duet, I got an apple and peanut mismatch. Ugh. Aeden liked it though.

He kept sucking the peanut butter off the apple slice and handing it back to me for more low sodium peanut paste.

Here's to a less hypertensive future.

March 19, 2010

HELP, I'm stuck at a baby shower!

At this very moment I am hiding out in the office while a pack of fifteen women sit just beyond the door. It is hard to be certain, but I believe they are guarding the cheesecake and chocolate fondue. They are also making gregarious, giggly and otherwise indiscernible, confusing noises. Relegated to my corner of the condo, I feel safe. At intervals I am commanded to put children to bed, re-park cars and then instructed to return to my corner.

Now, if you are reading this, the odds that you are female are very good. If you're not, please back me up here (if you are in a position to do so). Can you remember the first time you heard of a "baby shower"? I can. I was a bright kid and I knew two things for sure: there was going to be cake and I was not invited.

Some new-agey yippee types try to integrate the men and women into baby showers. However, this too is inherently flawed. The problem is instinctual. If you're a girl, think about the feeling you get inside when you see a brand new little baby. You probably want to hold it, but feel like maybe you should hold back so as to not freak out the mother with your strong feelings. I just see a baby that isn't mine. And, I will admit that guys who get overly excited about babies (not of their own making) sort of weird me out. So, if you find yourself at a yippee co-ed baby shower take a good look around to see if you can't find at least one guy squirming at the unnaturalness of it.

Not that I've had to withstand that misfortune. But, let's consider for a second, what might be the male equivalent of a baby shower? Superbowl? UFC? Playoffs? These are the easy answers, but they don't really stack up. These male dominated activities lack the exclusivity of a baby shower. I want an activity where no girls are allowed, and if they are, they feel like they shouldn't be there...

Something like Boyscouts, Freemasonry or the men's hair club. But my question is do they have cheesecake and chocolate fondue?